Those of you my age and older might remember the novel by Chinua Achebe THINGS FALL APART. A  great, great classic tale about moral and social conflicts in life. I’m no match personally to this book’s premise as my woes in life can oftentimes be sated by listening to the inner voice of reason and always seeking out a simple (sometimes not) solution to every problem. Take in account what happened mere weeks ago. My brand new computer crashed, causing me to lose all of my files which in hindsight should have been saved…  as a backup plan to preventive measures in the matter of PCs…My Bad! Anyway I felt down for the count as I’d lost 2 manuscripts I’d been working on for a few years…countless  pictures of my children & grands…completed works of short stories all primed for contest entries, age old works for when I felt the time was right to seek publication… resumes for gigs, as well as a fairly recent piece of romantic fiction I’d almost completed were lost as well… Suffice it to say,I felt the gaping hole of loss internally…

All of this in the midst of having ended a brief bond with a seemingly great guy & I surmised the devil was busy trying to take up space in my place of residence…It was something my teenage granddaughter recited to me that called for reflection. She  stated how she often used this phrase she’d heard by someone on television or, someplace by someone and promptly adopted it as mantra to her own teen woes (yes, even teenagers have those days!) Thanks to her for repeating this thoughtful adage of some other writers’ work and thanks to that writer because I’m using it when things fall apart in this woman’s journey that leads to authenticity…

“Good things fall apart so better things can fall into place”…PS. I’ve recently signed a writers contract to do a magazine feature … “Believe it and you can achieve it! AND don’t forget to pray on it “:)

I could easily spend the week crying my eyes out & bemoaning my fate as the days seem endless & the work load heavier with ne’er a soul to say “it’s alright”…I could easily allow myself to self indulge in playing the “why me?” game but, I won’t. Obstacles have hurled themselves at my feet this week, seemingly blocking any attempt at progress in work, at play & in the space where I’m most comfortable, seriously attempting to wreck my flow! I can’t have that. Why? Because I’m stronger than negative energy that threatens my peace and so are you. Women are emotional creatures who tend to wear their hearts on their sleeve. A fellow calls it quits & we wonder where we went wrong… Ladies I’ve got news…As my mom once said to her three daughters when spilling on relationships & life lessons: “There’s nothing wrong with you, The problem lies with him!” You all feel me? 

Having an horrendous week of work? I’m there… Don’t let folks you work with steal your joy! Remember, like the song goes…”I fly above all the haters!”  So can you, by thinking on positives instead of negatives…women of authenticity we have to remember that life is a journey …who promised you a rose garden?  My personal mantra that reminds me I’m blessed goes something like this …”I inhale “faith” & exhale “fear”…count your blessing people and heal yourself better…

When the relationship is not working for you…send a prayer  up to heaven and let it go. I know those are big, bold words most women don’t want to hear. Some of us even go around thinking that we just can’t do better for ourselves, especially women of a certain age. We question our ’male magnet’ radar. True, the years have taken their toil and we’re no longer as perky& taunt in some places- a bit gray, but  it’s not just about  how attractive we think the opposite sex perceive us…it’s about how worthy we perceive ourselves. If we know that we are beautiful  from the inside out and that we are  enough, then those around us will pick up on other traits we possess that shows just how beautiful we are & make it a point to know us.

I’m reminded of a conversation I’d had with a male acquaintance where he  stated that women as they age are almost always willing to settle in a relationship. I thought for a moment about this bit of man intuition. Asking myself would I settle in my search for Mr. Right? Frankly, no! I still want a man to treat me with respect. Romance me and let me know just how special I am. I still want a man to be strong, decisive, spiritual and have enormous respect for women & the elderly. Have compassion for children and willing to show love for the less fortunate. Have I ever settled in the past? Darn right I have. That’s why I’m at a place where I know I deserve better  because I’m better and not about to settle for less even as I age with dignity & grace…

How about you? Are you in a relationship where you’ve settled? Was my friend right in his assessment about women of a certain age willing to settle? Authentic women  think on it!

Today, I’m going to come out of a healthcare-nurse bag on you guys:) For those of you who are not aware, October is Cancer Awareness Month. My advice to safeguarding your health is to be pro active in seeking out care when you suspect your body is out of alignment & women we know our bodies! On thrusday, I visited my own doctor and before she could sit down, I began my list of complaints. I told her how stressed I’d been with just about everything happening inside & outside of my control with living life experiences. I started with the economy of course, lack of funds, lack of stability and total dislike for a job that I knew was draining the life source right out of me! But, I admitted how fearful I was of walking away from such a job ( inclusive of health, dental & life insurance benefits) as I had no backup plan…

My doctor, truly concerned decided to offered something to help with the stress, which I declined. So she settles on lab work, decreasing meds I was already taking for a diagnosed precondition & offered to notify me if a job opening happened on her watch…eternally grateful, I submitted to doing my part to lessen the amount of stress on my body & mind. I already exercised and vowed to alter my diet of sugars & caffine. I also meditate, drink more water, take deep breaths and try to get the proper amts of sleep…

Dr. Oz calls stress, the “hidden epidemic” and the “silent prey”, with triggers for women being the economy. job security ,and family health problems. Do you see yourself or someone you love in this scenario? I do. Stress kills. It works our bodies from the inside out. Women we have to learn how to cope. On this journey to authenticity, we must pray…. and take the advice of our doctors to seek serenity. love . eat nurioushing foods, and care everyday…AND

PS. Find the career that doesn’t steal your joy…

It’s a safe bet that when a woman falls in love-she falls hard. So what do women do when their true love break their heart & say, I loved you baby, but?  I’ll tell you what I’ve learned from living life experiences… I’ve learned that we keep living, keep producing and when all else fails, we cry buckets of tears on our pillows and scream ! Seriously, the one truism I’ve found when dealing with the pangs of a broken love affair is this: Pray for strength to keep going ; then get up & go! Take a moment to find yourself, examine what it is you want for you. Sure, it sounds easy but, it’s not. Oprah said “love don’t hurt” but she was talking in the sense of physical/emotional abuse. I’m saying “love hurts” especially when it’s from having the person you’re in love with leave the relationship. Women & men can suffer from a love gone wrong. They can also decide to not give in to the pain & despair that follows a breakup & threatens to consume their every waking (sleeping) moment

Women suffering broken hearts must learn to embrace the pain.  Don’t try to deny its energy-Let it flow through you & then let it go! The time will come when you’ll wonder “what was that about?”  I’m a romantic at heart, always will be. I love the very idea of falling in love. I’ve learned, however, that what I envision two people in love should look like is oftentimes ones’ preconceived notions or, for lack of a better word; Illusion…. Sometimes the reality of what love is shatters our perceptions as we’re forced to face the reality of it all… It’s ok to live for love &. whenever  love goes awry, be savvy enough to recognize that it’s gone … Continue to live & love yourself…AND

 PS…Keep your heart opened for the love that’s sure to come again!

I just returned from my family’s reunion where I had the pleasure of connecting with brothers & sisters, neices, cousins, grandchildren and in-laws…My siblings & I decided that we must make a definite decision to keep “mandatory” these reunions after the demise of our parents and two siblings. Because we’re the traditional southern family, the decision to keep in touch wasn’t a hard one to make…The idea that family is blood & that is thicker than water has always been the case with us. True, stuff happens and not all of  family will likely make an appearance at these gathering, but the fact that another reunion is on the horizon come next year somehow makes it all good. Those who wasn’t in attendance get the lowdown by those others either by telephone, email, or photos capturing the occasion.

Taking time out from work, life’s hustle & bustle to spend memorable time with family is a tradition that feeds the soul & keeps us grounded in who we are as authentic women…

Women, we can’t have that, now can we? We have got to get our sexy on at some point in living life experiences. Do not become stagnant in your pursuit of pleasure and passion. It’s NOT all about work ya know…Finding “Mr. Right” might not be in the cards at this place of your journey, so why not have a bit of fun with “Mr. Right Now?” I know, I’ve inferred that we should be holding out for Mr. Right but, I’m going to admit right here at authentic woman that life , love, passion, and happiness doesn’t always mean playing the waiting game for that prince of a fellow to ride into your space & take you away to live out your fairytale…Sometimes women we’ve got to take control of the reins and make happiness work for us!

So, as we look forward to a beautiful authum(fast approaching btw) let’s plan on living a happier, authentic & safe adult life by living and playing it like we wanna play it… in the meantime “Mr Right”, you know where to find us!

Authentically yours…

You know those days I’m referring to…when you wake up from a restless slumber to start another day, only to realize that the non productive day is a virtual repeat of sameness…I suppose the ‘woe is me’ malady happens to those of us with the best of intentions. I’ve learned over the years however, that it’s not simply repeating those affirmations like “life throws you lemons, yada yada, yada” that serves to get you through, although they help. It’s taking control of your attitude. Assessing  the situation(s) causing you to feel like you’re on a fast ride to nowhere and make your move… How does one go about doing that? I simply decided NOT to become a victim  to my own sense of hopelessness & lack of self-worth. It also requires ‘action’ by being productive. I began to stimulate my mind by reading old works of Maya Angelou.  focused on my duties at my ‘day’ job. Connected by telephone with friends & family and always wrote in my journal kept at my bedside little tidbits of interests I’d encountered during the day…and I delved into ways to regroup & redirect my financial situation. In other words, I stayed busy with little time left for pity parties!  What caused me to fight back against those days?

Recently, I was in quiet despair because my trusted computer had gone kaput! I am in the process of gearing up to move into a new place & also planning for a short vacation/family reunion out of town in Sept. So all of my energies & monies were focused on those plans when the ball came crashing down…Opps, I hadn’t planned an added expense but, I badly needed my computer to continue this writing journey that is my passion & without my passion, what purpose did I serve?  I was tempted to just shelve it all & ask myself “what’s the use?” …Perhaps writing wasn’t in the cards & I didn’t have what it takes to be the writer I’d imagine myself….I was in a perpetual state of “ funkness” all too willing to give in to those nagging doubts in the process.

Boy, was I feeling low!  I played the pity game for a couple of dark days & man was I bored! I decided to create a stragedy for problem solving in essence to ”Rob Peter & pay Paul” as the first come, first served wins out! I’m happy to report that my plans are a go! As I’m back on track with a new computer system. My packing continues to be a work -in-progress and the vacation get-away- reunion plans are two weeks away & counting!

It’s ok  to have those days when it seems nothing goes right & sometimes it won’t. It’s when we take control of our situation/ plan ahead for those unforseen pitfalls… that makes life’s journey sooo darn meaningful…don’t you think?

The frantic call came while I was at work. During my 15 minute break, but that’s ok because getting this frantic call from a woman & co-worker on the job made me want to stop to reflect upon relationships and ask of women: Does the man in your life make you happy? or, Does he cause you pain?

The call came at a time where this woman needed help in finding a place to rest. You see, she was in an abusive relationship & she’d spoken often about her needing to get away & find a place for herself and her two small children. That she was tired of not being happy. Of being in constant battle with the man in her life… An accomplished & professional woman who was very good on the job, yet, a woman in misery who suffered from low self-esteem brought on, in part by the man she’d undoubtedly loved for the last decade .

Women in distress from abusive relationships come in all ages, colors & professions.  Accomplished women, adapt at business but, inept in taking control of their lives. So, the question remains: Does the man in your life make you happy? or, are you living a life of misery?

Consider Lauren Hill’s: “What you want might make you cry. What you need might pass you by, if YOU  don’t catch it…”

Women in transition…Authentic woman…Ask yourself this question. “Are you a motivated woman or a woman who procrastinates?” Let’s be real here, there have been many a time where I’ve not wanted or felt inclined to lift a finger to ‘do’ or ‘be’ anything at some space in time of living life experiences and that’s ok , really it is, if you’re knowing that this languished period of nothingness must not endure…

Consider this: The LORD worked hard creating the world, but even he rested on the 7th day! Ya feel me? What I’m basically saying is women living & surviving life experiences need to take time out to smell the fragrance; Experience stilled waters & find ways to rejuvenate their worn body & spirit…But, don’t go getting it twisted and become stagnate. Lose your zest for creativity. Do the work you’re destined to do & feel go0d about living life as a woman of substance!

BTW: I’ve been acutely aware of my self-procrastination these past days, but, I’m determined to drop kick the lack of motivation that threatens my creative nature & invades my space…What say you, how do you fight off those bothersome procrastination woes?