“He doesn’t respect me!” How many times have I heard this woman utterance over the years, in and out of the workplace? Many times. Sometimes women frankly go for men for all the wrong reasons: He has money. Sporty wheels. Takes care of my needs… The he’s the strong-silent type won’t wash either. Talk to me brotha,communication is the key! AND, what about this? How does he treat his mother? Does he like children? Is he spiritual? Carry himself with dignity and pride? More importantly, does he respect you?  Many of us are finding ourselves involved with men with tempers; think Rhianna. There are those of us who feel we just can’t do any better when it comes to having a man in our lives and then there are women who take stuff just because it’s easier to allow him to disrespect us than to make a ’scene’.

Does any of this sound like you? Women it’s time to wake up and reassess your “self-worth”. Women are peace-makers. We are too accepting of our men ugly ways. How can we turn the tide? Simply by finding/living your own truth . Respect is earned. If we’re out here letting our men run amock by making ourselves available to  his every beck and call (seen this scenario too many times) where the woman runs to answer every annoying/disruptive phone call on the job without putting her foot down and saying to the jerk  ” Hey,I’m at work. Don’t call me!”  That ole  familiar adage “A man will disrespect you if you let him.” surely rang true in this woman’s situation. But, it’s never too late for her & women like her to take stock of who she is. Understand that she deserves respect. She is worthy… Women of authenticity you get it…

Having fun is a good thang! This is the time of year, however, where many women will choose to not mix N mingle, preferring instead to sit home and have themselves a very old ‘woe is me’ pity party…Ladies it’s time to let that feeling sorry for self float away … go out and have yourselves a mighty good time. The reality is that depression/depressive moods do occur in the gloomy winter months where there’s no sunshine and the overall ‘blah’ blusey feeling seem to invade your soul, depleting the energy and casting a spell upon the spirit of us  …It’s hard I know,but, guess what? It’s your decision. Life is a blast and the changing of the seasons can be a bummer, but easily reworked to your advantage.

Remember how Madonna sang  “Girls just wanna have fun?” Well, that’s the first step. No matter what age we are. We are still girls filled with an innate gift for laughter, bonding, friendships, and throwing down with some devine culinary skills in the kitchen! The authentic woman knows how to get over herself and allow those blues to dissipate as her survival mode surfaces into high gear.  It’s time to accept holiday invites. To party like its 1999 and live life to the fullest! As Tupac would say, “Ya feel me?”   Be safe. Stay Strong and visit Authentic Woman often to rejuvenate your sense of “self’” by loving & embracing the woman you’ve always wanted to know!

Happy Holidays!

The Hoilday spirit is upon us, yay! For women we’re envisioning romantic meet & greets…Lovely winter get-aways with a new lover/ interest, or an ole ‘dear’ friend to reconnect with and embrace the simple  joy of Christmas and New Years…Single ladies are ready to experience the beauty of a  “love Jones” with the men in their lives…Anticipating a first, second and third date of sorts with the man in your life oftentimes lead to misinformation, missed opportunity and inappropriate responses if the two of you are not on the same page when making that love connection…

Women of a certain age are not pass the initial nervous energy when meeting a new & potential love interest. Believe me when I tell you; It can become a roulette wheel of second guessing and too little, too late incidences…Women have to make sure that their ’mate’ get the memo.. 5pm doesn’t mean 4:15 or 4:30pm…5pm means exactly that…When a woman tells a man to meet her at this exact time, or pick her up at the specified time. Men don’t come too early, or too late and if you do this mistake, don’t bother ringing the doorbell because you won’t get a response. Why?

Because if you’re too early, chances are we women are still in the bath, with egg white on our faces and won’t ring you up! If you’re too late and doesn’t bother to call? We figure you could really care less and become disinterested in the whole thing! Again, don’t show up. We’d prefer to think you’re a waste of time and wouldn’t mind not hearing from you again!    

As we all prepare to spend the Holidays with the one we’re with, we think ” it’s all so grand!”  Romantic liaisons could turn out to be so perfect… if the parties involved don’t forget to synchronize their watches…

Those of you my age and older might remember the novel by Chinua Achebe THINGS FALL APART. A  great, great classic tale about moral and social conflicts in life. I’m no match personally to this book’s premise as my woes in life can oftentimes be sated by listening to the inner voice of reason and always seeking out a simple (sometimes not) solution to every problem. Take in account what happened mere weeks ago. My brand new computer crashed, causing me to lose all of my files which in hindsight should have been saved…  as a backup plan to preventive measures in the matter of PCs…My Bad! Anyway I felt down for the count as I’d lost 2 manuscripts I’d been working on for a few years…countless  pictures of my children & grands…completed works of short stories all primed for contest entries, age old works for when I felt the time was right to seek publication… resumes for gigs, as well as a fairly recent piece of romantic fiction I’d almost completed … Suffice it to say,I felt the gaping hole of loss internally…

All of this in the midst of having ended a brief bond with a seemingly great guy & I surmised the devil was busy trying to take up space in my place of residence…It was something my teenage granddaughter recited to me that called for reflection. She  stated how she often used this phrase she’d heard by an unnamed someone on television or, someplace by someone ,and promptly adopted it as mantra for her own teen woes (yes, even teenagers have those days!) Thanks to her for repeating this thoughtful adage of some other writers’ work and thanks to that writer because I’m using it when things fall apart in this woman’s journey on the road leading to authenticity…

“Good things fall apart so better things can fall into place”…PS. I’ve recently signed a writers contract to do a magazine feature … “Believe it and you can achieve it! AND don’t forget to pray on it “:)

I could easily spend the week crying my eyes out & bemoaning my fate as the days seem endless & the work load heavier with ne’er a soul to say “it’s alright”…I could easily allow myself to self indulge in playing the “why me?” game but, I won’t. Obstacles have hurled themselves at my feet this week, seemingly blocking any attempt at progress in work, at play & in the space where I’m most comfortable, seriously attempting to wreck my flow! I can’t have that. Why? Because I’m stronger than negative energy that threatens my peace and so are you. Women are emotional creatures who tend to wear their hearts on their sleeve. A fellow calls it quits & we wonder where we went wrong… Ladies I’ve got news…As my mom once said to her three daughters when spilling on relationships & life lessons: “There’s nothing wrong with you, The problem lies with him!” You all feel me? 

Having an horrendous week of work? I’m there… Don’t let folks you work with steal your joy! Remember, like the song goes…”I fly above all the haters!”  So can you, by thinking on positives instead of negatives…women of authenticity we have to remember that life is a journey …who promised you a rose garden?  My personal mantra that reminds me I’m blessed goes something like this …”I inhale “faith” & exhale “fear”…count your blessing people and heal yourself better…

When the relationship is not working for you…send a prayer  up to heaven and let it go. I know those are big, bold words most women don’t want to hear. Some of us even go around thinking that we just can’t do better for ourselves, especially women of a certain age. We question our ’male magnet’ radar. True, the years have taken their toil and we’re no longer as perky& taunt in some places- a bit gray, but  it’s not just about  how attractive we think the opposite sex perceive us…it’s about how worthy we perceive ourselves. If we know that we are beautiful  from the inside out and that we are  enough, then those around us will pick up on other traits we possess that shows just how beautiful we are & make it a point to know us.

I’m reminded of a conversation I’d had with a male acquaintance where he  stated that women as they age are almost always willing to settle in a relationship. I thought for a moment about this bit of man intuition. Asking myself would I settle in my search for Mr. Right? Frankly, no! I still want a man to treat me with respect. Romance me and let me know just how special I am. I still want a man to be strong, decisive, spiritual and have enormous respect for women & the elderly. Have compassion for children and willing to show love for the less fortunate. Have I ever settled in the past? Darn right I have. That’s why I’m at a place where I know I deserve better  because I’m better and not about to settle for less even as I age with dignity & grace…

How about you? Are you in a relationship where you’ve settled? Was my friend right in his assessment about women of a certain age willing to settle? Authentic women  think on it!

Today, I’m going to come out of a healthcare-nurse bag on you guys:) For those of you who are not aware, October is Cancer Awareness Month. My advice to safeguarding your health is to be pro active in seeking out care when you suspect your body is out of alignment & women we know our bodies! On thrusday, I visited my own doctor and before she could sit down, I began my list of complaints. I told her how stressed I’d been with just about everything happening inside & outside of my control with living life experiences. I started with the economy of course, lack of funds, lack of stability and total dislike for a job that I knew was draining the life source right out of me! But, I admitted how fearful I was of walking away from such a job ( inclusive of health, dental & life insurance benefits) as I had no backup plan…

My doctor, truly concerned decided to offered something to help with the stress, which I declined. So she settles on lab work, decreasing meds I was already taking for a diagnosed precondition & offered to notify me if a job opening happened on her watch…eternally grateful, I submitted to doing my part to lessen the amount of stress on my body & mind. I already exercised and vowed to alter my diet of sugars & caffine. I also meditate, drink more water, take deep breaths and try to get the proper amts of sleep…

Dr. Oz calls stress, the “hidden epidemic” and the “silent prey”, with triggers for women being the economy. job security ,and family health problems. Do you see yourself or someone you love in this scenario? I do. Stress kills. It works our bodies from the inside out. Women we have to learn how to cope. On this journey to authenticity, we must pray…. and take the advice of our doctors to seek serenity. love . eat nurioushing foods, and care everyday…AND

PS. Find the career that doesn’t steal your joy…

It’s a safe bet that when a woman falls in love-she falls hard. So what do women do when their true love break their heart & say, I loved you baby, but?  I’ll tell you what I’ve learned from living life experiences… I’ve learned that we keep living, keep producing and when all else fails, we cry buckets of tears on our pillows and scream ! Seriously, the one truism I’ve found when dealing with the pangs of a broken love affair is this: Pray for strength to keep going ; then get up & go! Take a moment to find yourself, examine what it is you want for you. Sure, it sounds easy but, it’s not. Oprah said “love don’t hurt” but she was talking in the sense of physical/emotional abuse. I’m saying “love hurts” especially when it’s from having the person you’re in love with leave the relationship. Women & men can suffer from a love gone wrong. They can also decide to not give in to the pain & despair that follows a breakup & threatens to consume their every waking (sleeping) moment

Women suffering broken hearts must learn to embrace the pain.  Don’t try to deny its energy-Let it flow through you & then let it go! The time will come when you’ll wonder “what was that about?”  I’m a romantic at heart, always will be. I love the very idea of falling in love. I’ve learned, however, that what I envision two people in love should look like is oftentimes ones’ preconceived notions or, for lack of a better word; Illusion…. Sometimes the reality of what love is shatters our perceptions as we’re forced to face the reality of it all… It’s ok to live for love &. whenever  love goes awry, be savvy enough to recognize that it’s gone … Continue to live & love yourself…AND

 PS…Keep your heart opened for the love that’s sure to come again!

I just returned from my family’s reunion where I had the pleasure of connecting with brothers & sisters, neices, cousins, grandchildren and in-laws…My siblings & I decided that we must make a definite decision to keep “mandatory” these reunions after the demise of our parents and two siblings. Because we’re the traditional southern family, the decision to keep in touch wasn’t a hard one to make…The idea that family is blood & that is thicker than water has always been the case with us. True, stuff happens and not all of  family will likely make an appearance at these gathering, but the fact that another reunion is on the horizon come next year somehow makes it all good. Those who wasn’t in attendance get the lowdown by those others either by telephone, email, or photos capturing the occasion.

Taking time out from work, life’s hustle & bustle to spend memorable time with family is a tradition that feeds the soul & keeps us grounded in who we are as authentic women…

Women, we can’t have that, now can we? We have got to get our sexy on at some point in living life experiences. Do not become stagnant in your pursuit of pleasure and passion. It’s NOT all about work ya know…Finding “Mr. Right” might not be in the cards at this place of your journey, so why not have a bit of fun with “Mr. Right Now?” I know, I’ve inferred that we should be holding out for Mr. Right but, I’m going to admit right here at authentic woman that life , love, passion, and happiness doesn’t always mean playing the waiting game for that prince of a fellow to ride into your space & take you away to live out your fairytale…Sometimes women we’ve got to take control of the reins and make happiness work for us!

So, as we look forward to a beautiful authum(fast approaching btw) let’s plan on living a happier, authentic & safe adult life by living and playing it like we wanna play it… in the meantime “Mr Right”, you know where to find us!

Authentically yours…