Finding Your Now…After Divorce

Hello warrior women! I know Monday just got away from me, but I wanted to talk to women who are going through or contemplating divorce. I know how painful a transition this can be, but rest assured, you will survive.
Divorce sucks life transitions suck. Going through change of any sort can become a fear based area of grey clouds filling your days with storms of pain and confusion. But, you must stay prayed up and focused on swimming against the currents of  stormy weather, in order to stand on solid ground that will offer you a place of comfort and new beginnings.
If you’re going through a divorce or contemplating a divorce, allow yourself to feel the pain of separation, but don’t wallow in self-pity and self blame. You are good enough. There’s nothing you can do to change or coerce him into staying when he obviously wants to leave and why would you settle? If you are a single mother and working woman, consider the confusion your child is going through and sit down with your soon to be ex to hammer our a solution to making this separation for your child less traumatic as possible.

Children do worry and sometimes even blame themselves for their grownup parent’s behavior. It’s important to form a united front and assure your child that your divorce is in no way because of him/her/them. Going from married working mom to single working mom is a hurdle that you can manage alone. You have to take care of yourself and your internal emotions. Don’t wallow in self depreciating pity! Take the bull by the horns and face the music of your pain from losing your spouse, but place your emotions into keeping your child/children safe and protected: good daycare, good schools, and with people you trust while you continue to work and provide for the most important person in your life your child. If you have to take a few personal days off from work to set forth a routine to make sure your children is taken care of and provide you piece of mind while you’re away, then do that.
The most important thing you can do for yourself and for your children is to never place blame. Blaming someone for not being the person you needed them to be only adds to the misery of letting go. When you’ve done all you can to try to save your marriage due to love or obligation or young children needing both parents in the household and your husband still wants out? Let him go.
Keep your heart opened because time heals all wounds and where today you’re experiencing heartbreak; somewhere in the near future of your tomorrow, you will be the happiest woman to walk the face of God’s green earth, and you will be living the best life you’ve ever lived with a man truly deserving of all of you as you are of him.

For strength,  purpose and peace read:

Holy Bible

Spiritual Divorce: Divorce as a Catalyst for an Extraordinary Life by Debbie Ford
Goodnight, sleep peacefully and tight…
Blessings!

On Marriage…

A friend & co-worker confided in how this particular day was her 41th anniversary! I was so thrilled to know that longevity in marriages were something couples in midlife continued to celebratel! I’m not soured by marriage when the mate is a ” keeper” as was evident by the glow upon this woman’s face.

I’m actually hopeful when I hear stories of a marriage sustaining the intrusions that living life experiences oftentimes bring. Sometimes folks unite in Holy Matrimony only to find themselves wondering “why?”… some couples marry based upon sexual attraction & many marriages are united under a wall of tolerance & indifference…BUT,

There’s hope for a  couple’s sustainability as so many of us marry because we’ve simply chosen well…

As we talked about her plans with her husband; the grown children plans for them, I thought how fine I was with this conversation. As a woman of divorce, I found myself applauding this thing between couples whose love, devotion, friendship, appreciation and like for each other had kept the home fires burning; the marriage alive and loving.

Can You Be Friends With Your Ex?

Image by Thomas Shahan via Flickr

I’m posing this question after watching a segment of The Today Show. I suppose in the  family dynamic-children, the divorced woman would consider keeping the relationship amicable…But, for a woman to say I’m in essence feeling more love after the divorce? It makes me question, “What’s that about?” Apparently, the divorced woman and author of  Life After Divorce have the answers that worked for her in claiming a “good divorce.” I’m also for amicable partings. It makes the demise of the marriage more CIVILIZED for the divorcing adults ,but, more importantly, it provides for the well being of children who are faced with having  a one parent household in the face of family breakups…

The author stated how she was feeling so much love from her ex and his family in the aftermath of divorce. I’d question why now that all of this love is pouring forth? Where was the love between families before? I’m not advocating women of divorce not maintain an amicable relationship with their ex.(especially when children are involved)) I’m telling women to move on as individuals…your  life doesn’t revolve around how you’re perceived by the  ex in what has become your life to live. My thoughts? “poof, be gone!”

I’m not willing to allow you the key that unlocks the door to my new world…I’m just ” self” first like that!

Related Articles

• How to Handle a Breakup (everydayhealth.com)
• Diana Mercer: Cox and Arquette: Modern Divorce Role Models (huffingtonpost.com)
• Nora Ephron Makes Divorce Warm And Fuzzy [Heartburn] (jezebel.com)

My Goal For Authentic Woman:

Image by unloveablesteve via Flickr

I’m feeling sooo good right now…today is a great day for networking& making new friends, online & off. I’m feeling almost how I felt the morning I woke up to start Authentic Woman here at wordpress:) I don’t live my life in a cocoon, where I’m hoping that good things happen. Since my divorce and some hard lessons learned along the way, I’ve come to know that: Life is what you make of it. It’s how you perceive life experiences. how you tackle the problems, achieve solutions and find ways to inspire others to do the same in their situations, that makes “Life” interesting.

As my adult dtr. would say, “Mom, it is what it is.” I love that original quote (you heard it here first) sooo much that I’ve incorporated it into how I continue to make Authentic Woman a great source of information for women in midlife and for all women who might need tools to jumpstart their passions, purpose, and appreciation for living life experiences…It’s not always sooo good,but,”it is what it is”

What are you going to do about the rest of your life?

Surviving Divorce At Midlife

This is a take on what women in midlife face after divorce…I’d written in 2006 an article of the very same title to a woman’s journal for those women embarking upon their second phase of life, oftentimes without the man they thought would remain their life partner. I’m forever grateful to this woman editor who read between the lines of heartache, fear, uncertainty and a sense of apathy to find and encourage me to write it all out, without fear of consequence …without thought of ‘how it might look to others’…

Everyone of us is an individual…As Joel Osteen says, we are spiritual beings, living a human existence…that tells me, I have only myself and my God to answer to for any consquence my actions might create (speaking totally from  a standpoint of who I am eternally) obviously, I’m not about to go out & commit some unspeakable crime…

Embarking upon a journey of self-awareness, self-discovery and self-love has allowed me to take responsibility for my own happiness. I’m a woman in midlife who survived divorce, loss, empty-nester… I’m here at Authentic Woman to offer all women in transition courage in the face of a devastating lifestyle change… Want to share in the journey?… I invite your input.

Getting started!

Image by BTT-TV via Flickr

I’ve neglected this for far too long! we’re all here for a purpose and for a long time after a divorce, job loss, becoming an empty nester and suffering a traumatic love affair, I questioned God “why am I here?” “what else can happen to me?” admittedly, it took some time but, those gut wrenching questions were answered and I’m here to tell you…I’m the happiest woman in transition that I know! 

In 2006, I took up my writing again, after locking away my passion for/creating/producing/informing and hopefully entertaining others… my focus is clear. my purpose defined…to use my life experiences, life tools I’ve applied toward my own re-discovery in order for other women to envision/know that there is life after divorce, empty-nester, loss of job, broken love affair. I’m no psychiatrist/psychologist… and I don’t play one on tv..I’m a woman who have been put through the trenches of life experiences….a veteran nurse who have learned from the elders…a student who learned from readings of gifted scientists, wisdom of the elders, sages,spiritualists, mystics and great speakers of truth…a woman in transition, I come to share with other women the tools i’ve learned to navigate these sometimes stormy waters of midlife transitions.

We are viable, sexy, vibrant, intelligent, productive and in demand in a world where seemingly  women of a certain age becomes inconsequential…I’m here to tell you..don’t believe the hype. my work can be viewed at http://www.alumbo.com/cgi-bin/article/29155 as an introduction to Authentic Woman…

Come on back and let’s get this party started by making the 2nd, third, fourth phase of woman life…our best life yet!  I welcome your input…got questions? email me clarawriter@att.net

clara